it was a hot thursday afternoon when i received a call from an unexpected caller. she asked me how i was and what i was doing and continued to say that she will be in ubec later that day. her flight was delayed for 3 hours and she asked me if i could met up with her…and i was left after the call, wandering….what should i do? should i go and see her? am i ready to see her?
history:
this friend of mine broke my heart into a million pieces, i was left clinging for my dear life, gasping for love, like it was air that i breathed. it changed my life, it changed me, now 7 months after, i dont know if i am healed enough and strong enough to face her.
the present:
i asked a close friend on what decision should i be siding on. she told me things that pushed me to do what is necessary rather than what made sense that time. 6pm….i prepared myself for my long journey from home to the airport, i walked from my place all the way to Colon street and took a jeepney there going to the sea port. i decided to take the more faster and peaceful means of travelling going to the airport, and it was with the ferry boat. there i was pondering on what should i say first or if i would be able to say anything at all. i looked out through the dark mactan sea, and there was this calmness on its wave. and it gave me peace in mind and in heart. unknowingly, i was already smiling.
when i arrived on mactan’s side of the island, i began to walk, rather than take a jeepney going near the airport. i walked for almost an hour, listening to music and thinking of everything. the pain, the memories, and the expectations on seeing her again. i felt no stress on my legs while i walked and i smiled to every person that i met along the way.
i arrived a bit early at the airport. i took a seat and pulled out the book that was on my bag that day, Haruki Murakami’s “Norwegian Wood”. While sitting on this old blue chair, i read the book. and it was this book that inspired to write this blog in this manner. minutes passed and i seemed to have forgotten why i was there in the first place. then i felt my phone vibrating on my pocket, i took it out, guess who was on the other line calling me? it was her…my dearest friend….when i answered she laughed and told me that she was right in front of me and that she was happy to see me. i looked around and had no sight of her. she gave me exact clear instructions, stand up, and look to your right and see beyond the chairs…..and there she was, hiding her face on this small little black cap, and very long curly hair…i stood there for awhile, stared at her, this is the moment of truth, and i was to find out how different things will be….she was wearing that “name heart cebu” shirt that we both used to have. i slid the book back in my bag and gently walk towards her, as i came closer and closer, her smile became clearer, and when i stood in front of her, she opened her arms and gave me a big hug….i closed my eyes, and i felt like crying…here i was hugged by the same person who broke my heart….
the words that came rushing in my mind after that hug was the least of all the things that i expected to say, “thank you”. all these months i long for someone to hug me so dearly and genuinely and yet no one seems to understand my needs and actually give it to me.
after the hug, we exchanged smiles and walked right up the stairs and took the cab. on the cab, i asked her where we were heading to. and she said that she would be staying on a hotel or an inn just for the night, and that she had no plans to go home and let her parents know that she was already in ubec. i asked her “why?” and she answered, “i wanted to spend some time alone with you, there are lots of things that you and i need to talk about”…after 30 minutes or so, we arrived on the inn she planned to stay, on the front desk i overheard her saying that she was looking for a room for two, so i carefully tap her on the shoulders and whispered to her that i wont be staying, she asked me, “even just for the night?”…i answered,” i don’t think that would be a good idea” and she just smiled…
the bell boy took her bags and accompanied us towards the room, when the door opened, there were two beds and a lampshade in the middle, an empty wooden cabinet bigger and wider than me, and a 16 inch tv. i thanked the bell boy for helping me carry her bags and off he goes…since she arrived, it was only within this four cornered wall that the feeling of awkwardness seemed to engulf both of us…we had a little chit chat and a little laugh, then she decided to have dinner somewhere, i told her eat something that you missed the most on ubec, so i brought her to a place in JY where we used to eat, the pungko2x corner across JY Mall. while we were eating, we rekindled old memories, both the good ones and the painful ones. But there was something about the way she handles herself that seems to give off signals that she d0esnt want to talk anything about what she did nor how is she and her new found comfort is nowadays. and more questions were asked than answered, the place that we are eating at were playing old love songs and we sometimes laugh at the songs that we heard. we jokingly remind each other of how we used to treat each other. all in all, it was a simple yet a great dinner…
after an hour, we paid the bills and decided to go to Mountain View where this year’s reggae feast was celebrated. It was a cold night and the moon is shining brightly at that time. we took a habal2x ride from jy. the air was brushing against our skin. it was cold as ice, i was next to the driver and she was seated behind me. during the ride, she would slowly wrap her arms around me. and would sometimes give my shoulder a kiss. i could hear her faint voice in my ears, speaking of what was and what used to be. the habal2x ran fast and swiftly as expected. but all of it will soon change. a taxi was in front of us while we were heading up to Mountain View, it was blocking our way, so our driver tried to find ways to overtake it, but as we were t0 do so, the taxi inadvertently turned to the side where our habal2x was, there was no signal nor any hint that he would do so. i knew for a fact that it would hit us if it continues, i calmly but as fast as i could think of ways to prevent us from getting badly injured. i mean it was going to happen, might as well find ways to minimize the damage. the taxi was an inch closer to our habal2x ride, i could feel her, grabbing my arms and waist so tightly, getting ready for the impact, while i was looking at the road and trying to figure it out where we would take the fall, i could hear the swerving tires and our driver getting surprised of what was going to happen. luckily the taxi driver put his foot on the breaks. it was a close call. a very close one indeed. we continued to our destination with a new sense of urgency to safety. then we arrived at Mountain View, we could hear the reggae music playing just over the hill. we had a short trek. we talked about how we used to go there, to play pingpong, to see the view and just chill. it was nice to see her laughing again and remembering the old days, but, those were the days that we could no longer go back to. we stayed there for awhile, looked around and had a short conversation. then she decided to go back to the inn and rest.
when we arrived at the inn, she gently opens the door and we both walk inside. the room was cold and very quite. she turned to me and said, “can you stay with me?”. what was i supposed to do? i could’nt just leave her there alone. i mean it would be un-gentleman-like for me. i weigh my choices before deciding.
to be continued….